How to set goals for Couples Counselling

I was reading this blog (vlog) by one of mentors, Martha Kauppi, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and I wanted to share.

When people come for counselling, it's part of our human nature to hope that "if only my partner would change, we'd have a great relationship."

We say,

- I'm trying but he's not trying hard enough, if he could only try harder

- She doesn't want to have sex, if she could only get her desire back, we'd be ok

- She is stubborn and won't change, I have enough

- It's like he doesn't know me at all, after all these years together, why do I still have to explain what I need

There might be some truth to it, but the real challenge is the source of your problem, your goal and your solution to it - is within somebody else and you have no control over it. We can invite our partners to grow or change, but there are no guarantee if they actually would. People can absolutely change, but the need to want to. The only person you have control over, is you.

"The person you have the greatest power over? It’s your future self." Rick Hansen

So when looking into counseling, it's really important to explore what your goals are, how they would benefit YOU, and what you actually want to do about it. Watch the video (or read the blog), it's thought provoking.

You can also read her post here:

And if you decided you have some good goals to work on and you want support working on them, feel free to book your free, no pressure 30 minutes consultation here: