Celebrating your relationship

As a couple’s counsellor I mostly see couples who are struggling, who are desperate, who might be unsure if they are going to make it, or couples who have already decided to separate and are grieving the loss of their relationship, dreams and hopes.

I write a lot about the tools that can help you when you are fighting, when you feel disconnected, when you are upset or resentful or defensive.

In all this work, it’s easy to forget about all the good moments. Things that do work. Things that are wonderful.

The way our brain works, it automatically pays more attention to what doesn’t work than to what works. Even when everything is good, we are often scanning for what could possibly go wrong. Have you ever caught yourself trying to start a fight when everything was calm and peaceful? Too calm and peaceful? What’s up with that?

We need to train our brains to also notice what’s good, what’s working, what’s effortless, what’s delightful, what’s easy.

So let’s take a moment and do this now.

Think about or write down if you wish:

  • one thing that you love about your partner

  • one thing that you love about your relationship

  • something that you really appreciate about your partner

  • something you’ve been taking for granted because it’s always there, but is actually an awesome thing

  • something you appreciate about yourself and what you bring to the relationship

  • something your partner does that makes you happy

  • something they do that make you laugh

  • something you are proud of them for

  • something you admire about them

  • something you want to celebrate about your journey together

  • and something that’s special to you about how you and your partner are as a couple

Now a bonus step - find your parter and share it with them. Not asking for anything in return, not needing them to even say anything, just simply share your list, give them a big hug, and continue with your day. If you can’t tell them in person, sent them a text.

Another way to practice is to do a dyad with your partner:

  • tell me something you appreciate about me

  • tell me something I do that makes you feel loved

  • tell me something that’s special to you about us

And if you really want to make a difference, commit to a 30 days appreciation and gratitude challenge .

Another idea is to plan (or spontaneously create) a ritual, a special date night in celebration of your relationship and your partner. Not waiting for an anniversary or a birthday, it doesn’t have to cost any money, it doesn’t have to be big or “perfect” - just a moment of celebration - of who they are as a person and what they mean to you.

Tell me your thoughts, give it a try, let me know what happens!

with love,