Some of my Favourite Books about Female Sexuality
I’m often asked to recommend books to read. It’s a tough question - the same as when you are asked for recommendations for a restaurant. My favourite is a small local Indian place - but if you don’t like Indian food, this recommendation is not at all useful for you.
Same with books, you’ve got to try and see if you enjoy this particular author's style, if it suits your personality, if it answers your questions.
So, let me offer this.... a summary of some of the books I enjoy the most, in no particular order. I have recommended these book many many times. They are each very different in style; Some scientific, some experiential, some written from Eastern and some from Western perspectives. The land of sexuality and intimacy is very vast indeed, and it's worth exploring.
Women CAN learn about how they are wired when it comes to sex, how to know and ask for what they want and need, how to become orgasmic and multi-orgasmic (solo and with a lover), how to navigate challenges in the bedroom, how to love themselves as they are, and how to embrace and nurture their sexual energy.
My main hope in sharing these books is that if you are wondering "what's wrong with me?" or "what's wrong with us?", if you know you are not happy in the bedroom but don't know how to change it, if you find yourself unable to communicate about yourself to your partner - that you will find your answer, and that sex can become fun and easy and joyful for you again, or, maybe, for the first time in your life.
These are also great books for men to read if you want to understand your partner and how she is wired.
1. Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure by Sheri Winston
This book was revolutionary and won 2010 Book of the Year award from the American Association of Sex Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT). It will give you a lot of aha moments about sex and pleasure and arousal. They certainly do not teach this stuff in high school.
Dr. Christiane Northrup has called Women's Anatomy of Arousal "the most comprehensive, user-friendly, practical and uplifting book on women's sexuality I've ever read. It's the gold standard!"
2. Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
This book is a New York Times bestseller. It helps women recognize that even if they have challenges in the bedroom, they are normal and not alone, and it also shows them what they can do to enjoy a fulfilling and sustainable sex life.
I love Emily Nagoski's style. It's practical, educational and fun. She is not afraid to get real. One insight that I learned from reading her book is the idea of a dual control mode when it comes to sex. It makes it so much easier to understand why you are the way you are, and how to communicate this to your partner.
3. Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson
This is a book that talks more about energy than physiology, more about connected and heart-opening love making rather than science behind it, and, it’s absolutely beautiful (Written in 2004 this books is still extremely relevant, but it’s written in a heteronormative language. For a suggestions for same sex couples see below)
This book is for people who know there's more to sex, that something is missing but they are not quite sure what it is. This book is a very easy read and a great introduction to what neo-tantric sexuality is all about: Energy, Depth, Connection, Love.
4. Tantric Sex for Women: A Guide for Lesbian, Bi, Hetero, and Solo Lovers by Christa Schulte
This Book is very inclusive and it's packed with practices and exercises for couples as well as for individuals. It explores intimacy and sexuality in a women-centered, body-aware, connected, creative, imaginative, playful, non-orthodox and at times whimsical manner.
It doesn't talk about the science behind the scene and doesn't teach. It offers you a journey, an exploration, with many suggestions and options you can pick and choose from.