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communication tools

What am I?

Who Am I?

What is Life?

My Personal Experience

My own journey with intensives  started in 2009. At my first Enlightenment Intensive (EI),  I didn’t get that direct experience everyone was talking about, but I’ve got such profound insights into my being, unlike anything I’ve experienced before or since. I’ve also learned how to have real contact and connection with others. How to be with their pain and anger and sorrow and grief and profound joy in a way that changed my life and my relationships with others forever.

 

As an empath I used to pick up other people’s energy without understanding it, I felt it in my body and it was distressing and added anxieties - I had to shut down or had panic attacks. that first EI taught me how to be with people - really BE with them, but not take their pain into my body. I didn’t have to shut down anymore, I could authentically be with them, with an open heart and not feel overwhelmed or drained after.

 

in 2017 at another EI I had an insight that changed my life one more time - I got very clear that i wanted to hold space for others to find their own experience. The training has been extraordinarily powerful. Serving others in this sacred work has opened my heart so much - it’s pure love, it’s being able to hold the space of unconditional love, and even though it was focused on others it was also transforming myself.

Rovena Skye

DYADS

I always thought dyad came from a greek word duo, meaning two - two individuals, a pair ….. and then I saw this definition. The word 'Dyad' is from the Greek (duad) and Latin (dyas, dyadis) roots - meaning two units treated as one.

And I loved that. There’s so much unity in this, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Dyads are one of my favorite communication tools and I have helped many couples use dyads as a means to improving their relationship.

It looks like this:

2 people, sitting in front of each other; A Speaking partner and a Listener. We start with a question - maybe something as simple as “tell me something about your day”. The question can be specific - “Tell me about a goal you have for yourself” or open “Tell me something you want me to know”

It almost looks like a regular conversation, but it’s not . The dyad is not a back and forth discussion. The Listener asks a question and the Responder(Speaking partner) shares freely; There is no dialogue.

In dyads, we listen to understand, completely and deeply. We practice and train that analyzer part of our brain to slow down. It’s not about me, or my turn, whether I agree or not. I’m here with only one intention - to understand what my partner is saying. Normally we listen to respond. We are listening for the point. The moment we think we’ve got it we stop listening; We are basically waiting for our turn to share what we think about it. There is an analyzer part of our brain that’s always on. “I agree/I disagree” “I agree - this is good.” “ I disagree - this is bad” And on and on it goes. And then we usually stop listening, because … what about me. When will I get a chance to share.

The listening partner DOES NOT respond, DOES NOT offer their opinion or advice. And when their partner is finished sharing, the listener simply says “Thank you”. NOTHING MORE. Thank You means, I got it, and thank you also means - thank you for sharing with me.

And then they switch. Now it’s the Speaking partner’s turn to ask the question and listen, and the Listening partner’s turn to respond. They do not respond to what was just shared, they answer the same question from their heart, anew.

Often dyads are timed, so everyone has equal amount of time to share. If the topic is very charged you might start with a minute each, and repeat a few times. If you just want to connect with a friend or a partner after not seeing them for a while, you might give everyone 10 minutes so they can share freely. You’ll find what works best for you.

Dyads create a deeper understanding and relating between people. Sometimes it’s pretty magical. Sometimes there’s a sense of unity. Sometimes we are afraid to really understand another person because we think if we understand that would mean they won. Or that then we’ll have to agree with them.

But it’s not about that. It’s about our basic precious human needs to be heard, seen, understood and respected.

It’s from that space we then can have a conversation, work on common goals, or agree to disagree, respecting each other. I have friends who I don’t see every often. When we get together, we do a few rounds of dyads before we switch to a social conversation.

Dyads are brilliant tool for couples - it’s also a dangerous tool. Speaking partner - when sharing with the listener, remember, you are talking about yourself. This is not an opportunity to lash out at your partner. Refrain from saying the word “you”, refrain from criticism, defensiveness, contempt. Your intention is to get your share across to your partner; How it is to be you, in this moment, in relationship with them.

Listening partner - your job is to honour what is being shared, and not to use it against you partner. This is not about you…this is about them. Your job is to be fully present in the share; To hear your partner fully and completely, without judgement, without a response. “thank you - I hear you, I understand.

This practice is very intentional, it creates a sacred space.

Dyads can be done in triads, groups. It can be you having a dyad with the Universe. At Enlightenment intensives the dyads are use to ponder questions like “Tell me who you are” or “Tell me what life is” (there is more to it than I talked about here, this might be a topic for another post in the future)

You make it yours and make it a practice.

How about we practice right now? This is one of my favourites : 

Tell me something about you you think others don’t get.

Remember the rules, let's make it a very safe space for everyone who wants to play along. NO COMMENTS on other's shares, no unsolicited advice or opinions or how you can relate to them (it's not about you) - only a "thank you".

I’ll start. See the comments.

p.s. tell me what you think or your comments about your experience with dyads, what shall I add to this post? (there's so much of course) I want to add it to my website and would love suggestions.

During the gnostic intensive with Rovena I didn't quite know what to expect. It seemed like a gentle process to discover some deep truths within. I never thought something so simple as being asked for the truth could bring about such deep knowledge that had always been within me.

 

However I was unaware of this truth as I hadn't directly focused on it to experience it before. It was a powerful day for me as many truths were revealed and experienced. The process was gentle and enjoyable. I feel I left with clarity as to some of the big questions in life. Like what is life? I feel confident and comfortable now in a way I had not before the gnostic intensive. It allowed me to experience myself in a new and deeply profound way.

 

The truths that I became aware of are helping me accept this thing called life and begin to flourish in living it. I am forever grateful for the experience and look forward to this path of contemplation and realization in the future with Rovena.

Carrie Suwal

The question 'Who Am I' dissolves the questioner, and I felt myself dissolving over the course of the event, reconnecting with Source. I felt the loss of attachment stories as our time together progressed. A sense of peace, calm, joy, and tranquility was also growing within.

Tom

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